A Missed What?

How far along? 13 weeks minus 1 day Well, it was 3 weeks ago when Simon and I went to see our little one for the first time. The long awaited 10 week ultra sound. Our big question was- one? or two? You can imagine our surprise when the technician said...actually, I can't detect a heartbeat. Silence. That really was not at all how I imagined that appointment to go. Cue the movie reel where the main characters get some shocking news and everything slows down for them, almost like they're in a bubble, and everything else continues around them in regular time, they are acutely aware of the ticking clock, the stream of light from the lamp and everything is kinda melty around them. The technician showed us the screen and showed us our little sprout minus the flicker. She said that the little sprout was measuring about 8 weeks and 3 days in size. I think I asked her something like, "What now?". She said something and then left the room with an, "I'm sorry." How lost I felt. What just happened? I was still laying on the table and Simon came over to me, hugged me and our first of many tears over this situation fell. I wanted to get out of there. I didn't want to see the other expectant mothers in the hallway waiting to see their perfectly healthy, swimming babies and I certainly didn't want anyone to see me cry. We got to the car, our refuge, and let it out. For some reason I decided that our little sprout needed a name, obviously a gender neutral one, and one popped into my head. Not one I ever would have chosen otherwise but I accepted it. I feel like protecting that name right now so I'm not going to tell you what it is. Simon's Mom and Stepdad (Janine et Michel) were visiting from Montreal and they were looking after Vaela while we were out discovering whether we were going to have one baby or two. Less than a week before we had told them our happy news via a custom shirt for V. I didn't know how to go home and tell them this...this...news. How stupid I felt for worrying about how many babies we were going to have. So stupid. And how ironic that my belly be swollen with the signs of pregnancy and the pregnancy not be "viable". What a sick joke. A "missed miscarriage" is what I later learned they call this situation. When your growing embryo/fetus/baby dies and your body doesn't know it yet. Hell! I didn't throw up once with my pregnancy with Vaela and just the morning before I tossed my bran flakes into the toilet! Again...sick joke. This is the second miscarriage that we have experience, though the first happened at about 5 weeks and spontaneously (so they call it). I had a sharp pain and then I started bleeding...that was the worst day on set that I had ever had. The pain of this loss, emotionally speaking, is deeper and much longer lasting than the last. How is it that I never heard the term "missed miscarriage" before. If 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage how is it that I have never heard of this and HOLY CRAP! 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage! Statistically speaking, I have had more than my share. So what I have learned along the way are that .....maybe I'll do this topic in 2 parts...getting kinda long...anyway, what you can do, or not do when you have a missed miscarriage are.. 1. Wait for your body to recognize that the pregnancy is lost on its own in which case your body will pass the pregnancy when it figures it out 2. You can insert pills into your vagina that are called "misoprostol"...not that your vagina is called "misoprostol" but the pills, and induce what I call a uterine vomit that will, as vomiting does, cause your uterus to eject it's contents 3. Have what they call a D&C (dilation and curettage) where they surgically remove the contents of your uterus there is one more option that my midwife suggested which is 4. Acupuncture Part 2 What I chose to do and how I am coping.