How far along? 27 weeks, 5 days
Today I had my first pregnancy meltdown. Last night was a rough night...it was hot and the neighbours kept waking us up with rowdy songs and something that sounded like wood chopping...wt??? Anyway, Simon worked late and had to be up for a fitting in the morning. Not only were our neighbours driving us nuts but apparently I was snoring...I know I was snoring because I kept waking myself up in my snoring fervour. I woke up at one point to find Simon with a pillow over his head in what I could only assume was an attempt to block out the neighbours wood chopping and my chainsawing. The night progressed with much tossing and turning on both our parts. Tossing and turning for me does not mean a simple shift to the other side...no...it means I have to sit up, roll over and re-adjust belly or leg support pillows followed by a flurry of activity from within the belly, in protest or delight from out little one I will not know, and this only after laying there for a moment to assess whether the move was actually worth it in the first place. I am incredibly sensitive about snoring...I dread doing it, or disturbing anyone with it and this is probably why I am so quick to wake up when I do it...usually.
One of the side effects of pregnancy, so I have read, is a stuffy nose. Great! That on top of my rhinitis (yes, it's a real thing) so I reckon that suck (ha ha...Freudian slip)-such a symptom would also increase snoring activity.
Anyway, our alarms were set for the same time and Simon was up and sitting on the bed before the alarm went off and I swear he sighed. Yes...sighed...that was the trigger. I said...if you had so much trouble sleeping because of my snoring, then why didn't you just go sleep in another room? That wasn't the end. No. I made us some oatmeal and while the oats stewed so did I.
I sat down on the couch to eat my oatmeal, Simon wasn't ready for his yet, and when he came in to join me he kissed me on the head and said good morning. REALLY! He has the nerve to be nice to me when I am so mad at him?!! and I told him so.
You know, I am mad at you. Do you think it's easy for ME? I know you had a hard time sleeping last night but try not being able to breathe all night, not being able to get comfortable because of your bulging belly, getting leg cramps AND having to get up to pee every 3 hours not just last night but EVERY night! At least if you can't sleep you can change something so you can. So rather than sighing and making me feel badly about keeping you up all night the least you could do is just sleep somewhere else instead of keep subjecting yourself to my torture and sighing about it- because you know-you can change something to make it easier on yourself.
Of course him having to get up to sleep in another room would probably make me feel badly too but that's beside the point. What's really the issue here? Simon, poor guy, just said "I'm sorry." and gave me my space. Geez, even as I write this I am getting all teary and stuff...stupid hormonal sensitivity. Anyway, that's what I did next...cried. Not a lot. Just a few tears that I couldn't help. Poor Simon. He was probably thinking this is what they warn you about. At least that would be what I was thinking, so, not only was I feeling badly for myself, I was feeling badly for him too. Damn it. Now he's not gonna know when it's safe to talk to me again. I guess I'll have to break the ice somehow.
After some time passed and I had time to formulate some semblance of a...well, I don't know if you could call it an apology...Simon came into the bathroom where I was brushing my teeth and put his arms around my belly and said again "i'm sorry"- oh...here come the tears again (not then- NOW as I write this). Anyway, I said I'm not saying that what I said isn't true, but I do acknowledge that I may have been projecting my insecurities onto you. It seemed to me that you were frustrated that you couldn't sleep because of me. I don't know if it's true or not but that is what I IMAGINED "I'm sorry that I made you feel badly", he said. You didn't make me feel badly, I made me feel badly. Sorry for the meltdown.
And that was that.
No comments:
Post a Comment